24 Hour News Networks

It is a commonly held belief that being well informed is an essential aspect of being an intelligent person. How could you have an opinion or make a decision about the world unless you know about the world around you? Most people would consider themselves well informed if they watched the news on a daily basis. Ever since CNN became the best way to watch a war in real time in the early nineties watching the news meant turning to one of our 24 hour news sources. There are three main news channels Fox News, the right wing entry into the fray, MSNBC, Fox News' transgender, vegan, liberal counterpart, and finally the crown jewel in the 24 hour news channel collection, the grand daddy of them all, CNN. Each of the channels offers its own specific spin on news, but unfortunately it is my belief that the last thing that these networks provide is information.

When CNN began the 24-hour format they unknowingly bit off a little more than they could chew. Prior to that, the news was in the morning, the afternoon, and the evening. Even with that limited programming we were still seeing gripping footage of a squirrel water skiing. At the most there was 8 hours of news programming in the average day. CNN increased that total three times over. They decided to create the 24-hour format to fill a void. No longer would a person with a thirst for knowledge have to wait until 6pm to find out what's going on, they could simply click on over to CNN and in an instant they would have their fill of the goings on in the world. It seems that the thing that CNN overlooked was that there simply wasn't 24 hours worth of news to report. This flaw was hidden by the fact that there was a war going on in the early days of CNN. That war was not a long trek through sadness with no end in sight like our current predicament. The first Iraq war had everything that a news channel could ask for. It was swift, it was just, it was patriotic, it had a great villain, and it even had a cool name. It had two in fact. When Desert Shield was deemed not badass enough they upped the ante and changed it to Desert Storm. Who wouldn't watch that? Once the war was over CNN had to go to work to fill the void left by the interesting war. That's where the problem lies.

People treat the 24-hour news networks as if they are some sort of altruistic entity that exists simply to keep the public well informed. However, the economic model that keeps MTV in business is the same model that keeps the news networks in business. They are supported by cable subscriptions and advertising dollars. The revenue that is generated by advertising is dependent upon the amount of ratings that the network receives. Simply, the more people watch, the more money that the network makes. With that knowledge how could you possibly trust anything that is said by these networks? The original thought was a good one, but that's true of most television networks. Does anyone remember The Learning Channel, TLC, the same network that brought you Cake Boss and Little People, Big World? The only thing that is being learned from TLC is that stupid programming is way more popular. If you're not in the mood to watch little people struggle in a world that they never asked for, you could switch over to the History Channel and watch Ax Men. I'll never forget when I first read about lumberjacks currently living in America in my 8th grade history books. GE owns both networks. The same company that decided that a lumberjack show was a good idea for a channel dedicated to history is the same company that hired Keith Olberman to comment in the day's news stories. I'm sorry, but I'm not willing to get my news from a company with such lose programming ethics.

The reality of the situation is that they need to fill content just like any other network. The most sensational stories are of course going to be the ones that are shown. That's why you'll find so many intelligent people proclaiming that the end of the world is near and that soon our money will be worth nothing and the liberal pussies or the conservative bigots are ruining our once great nation. These people aren't stupid they've just fallen victim to the bullshit that is being spewed by our news resources. The networks are creating stories and there's is not a medium that attracts storytellers. So even if you are watching the networks for entertainment you're getting a sub par product. 

Solution? I don't really have one, unfortunately. I'm just another malcontent unhappy with what the world is providing. My best attempt at a solution would be to first and foremost ignore the news networks. I feel like it's better to know nothing about a topic rather that to know bullshit about a topic. That way if the issue smacks me in the face at least I can approach it with a clear mind. Secondly, worry about yourself. How terrible is your world going to be if you make your best attempt to improve the world in some way on a daily basis. At the very least you'll have a smug feeling of satisfaction. I feel that that is preferable to a foreboding sense of doom. I learned very early on in my life that while smugness is not an appealing quality it is better than doom. Finally, understand that everything is cyclical. Even the Vikings must have used the phrase "kids these days." It was probably said in some unintelligible savage language in between gulps of alcohol prior to a good pillage, but it must have been said. Things will probably continue more or less the same for your entire life. The economy will be good, the economy will be bad, but things will probably even out. Worst-case scenario is that America falls and even that would be at least a little cool. Maybe someday you'll be in a history book, maybe you'll even be important enough for a television show to be made about you, and hopefully if that time comes you won't be replaced by a show about little people lumber jacks.

Long story short, watch whatever the hell you want, I suggest Jersey Shore and Mad Men.