I Hate the Red Sox, Please Help

I am a Yankees fan. I have been a Yankees fan since my father first traumatized me into it. I read somewhere that baseball teams are inherited and for me that was certainly the case. I was born in Florida, but that had no impact on which baseball team was supposed to be my favorite. My dad is from New York and he's been a Yankees fan ever since the Dodgers left Brooklyn. There was no way that his only son was going to support any team but his. Later in life I've gotten a lot of crap about being a Yankees fan. The first and most prominent reason was that since 1996 it makes you seem like a front runner, you're hopping on the band wagon, supporting an already successful team. Anyone who thinks that should go ahead and take a look at some footage of Yankee Stadium in the 80's and early 90's, it was a little sparse. All of the other reasons are just spin-offs of the first. I've gotten a lot of crap for not liking either of the two Florida teams. First of all the Marlins weren't added to MLB until 1993. Having been born in 1983, I already had 10 years of Yankee fandom under my belt at that time. In addition to that, the Marlins were in Miami, a full 5 hours from my home town. Second of all the Devil Rays didn't exist until 1998 so now we're up to 15 years of being a Yankees fan and we are now smack dab in the middle of the Yankees' dynasty. What kind of sociopath, half-assed fan would I be to change teams at that point? But I digress.

As a Yankee fan I was taught first and foremost to have dignity and class. Now, I know that there are a lot of Yankee haters that will point to battery throwing, bleachers being denied beer, and general taunting as proof that this class is certainly not how the Yankees conduct themselves. All I will say is that, that's what I was taught. Basically, since '96 it's been WWJD, what would Jeter do? I don't think anyone would deny he's a man with some class and dignity. Keeping that in mind, the party line was basically that we are Yankee supporters not Red Sox detractors. The concept is more or less refined arrogance. We don't hate the Red Sox, how could we? We don't think about the Red Sox, they think about us, and you can basically extrapolate that theory for every other team in the league. I was never taught to hate another team. We were Yankees, we were the best, and no other team mattered.

Unfortunately, in recent years I have given in to my own weakness. In recent years I have truly begun to hate the Red Sox. There were a lot of factors in this transformation. One, I moved to Park Slope, Brooklyn. For anyone who has never been to Park Slope, it has basically become a suburb of Boston. On any given block you are far more likely to see a Boston B, than my beloved NY. One time I was actually taunted for wearing my Yankees hat in a Park Slope bar by a guy wearing a Red Sox hat. I'm not sure if I can truly put in to words how frustrating it is to move into the city of your favorite team and still feel like you're rooting for the visiting team, but that's what I went through. Second, 2004 happened. No single sports moment had more cataclysmic consequences in my lifetime than 2004. I was never raised with any religion, the only thing that I truly believed was that God was a Yankees fan and he would never let us lose to the Red Sox. When 2004 happened my team didn't just lose, my entire belief system was shaken to the core. Finally, the Red Sox and their fans have changed. Prior to 2004 Red Sox fans were fun, they were self deprecating and funny, they hated the Yankees, but with a smile. After 2004 that changed. To be fair I'm probably not dealing with the same fans. That Red Sox acquired a whole new class of fans in '04, I've heard them referred to as "Pink Haters" which denotes the fact that prior to 2004 they didn't even make pink Red Sox hats and that's probably who I've been talking to. In either case the reality of the situation now is the majority of Red Sox fans I deal with now are cocky and entitled. The dynamic has changed. In addition to that the team has changed. In 2004 they actually had guys that I would be happy to have on the Yankees, Damon, Manny, and Ortiz. These were guys that you rooted against, but couldn't help but like. Unfortunately, Ortiz remains, but Damon and Manny have been replaced by Pedroia and Youkilis. I hate these guys, it's unhealthy and unfair, but I truly despise them. I hate the look of them, I hate Youkilis' batting stance, I hate that Pedroia jumps before every pitch, I hate their hair cuts, I hate their facial hair, I hate that they're respected, and I hate that they're names are even spoken in the same breath as their Yankees counterparts.

Again, none of this is justified, I'm wrong to feel this way, but I can't help it. This is what I've been driven to. To take a page out of Usher's book, this is my confession. I need help. I need Joe Buck and Tim McCarver to shut up. I need people who don't know who the Red Sox manager before Francona to stop talking to me. I need the Yankees to win the World Series again. I need to get my life together. Hopefully, with the help of my family and those closest to me I can rally. Hopefully, I can regain my class and dignity. It won't be easy, change never is. It takes a village to raise a functioning sports fan. All I can say is I'm sorry and I'm working on it.