Top 5 Worst Real World Cast Members

“The Real World” is just something I can’t get away from. I’m 28 years old I should be moving on. I should have a wife and kids and own a home, but instead I sit in my home for an hour a week and watch seven strangers picked to live in house and find out what happens when people stop being nice and start getting real. “The Real World” isn’t the reason for my arrested development, but rather a reflection of it. I personally believe that a person can be intelligent and functioning and still like terrible reality television. This may be more self serving than I’d like to admit. I think that railing against reality shows like “The Real World” doesn’t make you more intelligent. I believe that in a free market, competitive culture where someone else’s laziness and stupidity can only result in your gain, the truly intelligent people accept the culture around them, keep their mouths shut, their heads down, and quietly go to work. I’d like to think I’m one of the intelligent ones, but I’ve never kept my mouth shut and unfortunately, by my definition, that takes me out of the running.

With all of that in mind, let’s talk real world. The latest season of “The Real World” premiered last week. The newest installment is based in San Diego for the second time in the show’s history. I find it a little weird that the show has been on for so long that it is now batting around San Diego is up. They’ve revisited cities before, New Orleans, New York (3 times actually, New York twice & Brooklyn once), Las Vegas, and LA (it was called Hollywood the second time). Personally, I think that they should keep trying new cities, but I guess we’ll all just have to wait with baited breath for “Real World: St. Louis: The Reckoning.” Anyway, this newest installment has most of the usual suspects, good looking people eager for the fray too young to understand that what they think is neither important nor will matter to them in 3 years. There was however a stand out character. On the show you can be a stand out for good reasons; see Isaac (Sydney) and Leroy (Las Vegas 2) or you can be a stand out because you are over the top despicable; see Ryan (New Orleans 2) and the Real World hall of famer, Puck (San Francisco). This season’s standout is the bad kind and his name is Frank.

I haven’t had this kind of guttural reaction to a character since Tuco in the first season of Breaking Bad, seriously, how did we all keep watching that show after that guy chewed up all the scenery? Frank’s true genius as a despicable character is truly his versatility. He is many terrible things at one time. He is starved for attention, wearing a yellow bandana and Hawaiian shirt for his first encounter with his roommates, a move that truly says “look at me, look at me, please god, everybody stop what you’re doing and acknowledge the unconventional manner in which I present myself!” He is sexually confused, which wouldn’t be an issue if he would simply deal with it internally like a normal person. When one is confused or undecided on an important issue it is probably in bad form to loudly proclaim and celebrate your confusion while at the same time have an extremely heightened sensitivity about the situation. He is also trying to get into a relationship with the one person in the house who is already in a relationship and he is doing so in a manner that in neither subtle nor logical. He suggested that the object of his affection, Alexandra, and her boyfriend didn’t seem to be right for each other and he ascertained this knowledge after a day of knowing her and no time knowing the boyfriend. He’s the worst and that’s why he is both the inspiration and the beginning of the following list: the 5 worst Real World cast members of all time. Frank is number 5.

Coming in at number 4, Ryan from New Orleans 2. Ryan was truly amazing. While most awful cast members are content to be attention grabbing over dramatic narcissists, Ryan brought a certain flair and creativity to his role as worst cast member. Ryan was a straight hair dresser who enjoyed cuddling with the house’s lone gay cast member, the Rajon Rondo look-alike Preston. He had a fetish for playing with ears and blow drying himself while contemplating the complexities of life. At a glance he would have been the gayest man in the house, but he paired his quirks and behavior with a penchant for homophobic behavior and gay slurs. He would intentionally terrorize the house mates, hiding the lone car that they all shared, and at the same time complain that nobody liked him. He even attempted to blame a roommate’s stolen xanax on the season’s most popular character, Knight. Knight had recently dealt with an addiction to prescription medication so that added a special wrinkle to the move. Ryan was eventually kicked out because the other roommates flat out didn’t like him. Usually, removal from the house comes with an inciting incident, but only the truly horrible are asked to leave simply because they suck.

Coming in at number 3, Adam from Las Vegas 2. Adam had the blind confidence of a successful NFL running back. Unfortunately for Adam, he was in his mid-twenties unemployed and living with his parents in Maine. His biggest source of pride was going to a juvenile detention center for selling drugs and being able to make multiple women his girlfriend. He also used to the term “make her my girlfriend.” He would intentionally get blackout drunk and be a general nuisance. It was that behavior that eventually led to his dismissal. He was as calculating as nearly any cast member in how he wanted to be portrayed on the show, but for some inexplicable reason he chose to portray himself as an asshole. He was also predictably kicked off his first challenge after only one night. Adam proves that it ain’t easy being a gangster…from Maine…on a reality TV show…who lives with his parents.

Coming in at number 2, Neil from London. Neil personifies why people don’t like Europeans. He was condescending, pretentious, and very, very British. He fronted a punk band called Unilever and had bleach blond hair. Basically, he was a mid 90’s homeless man’s Johnny Rotten. He talked down to all of the other cast members until during an unfortunate incident someone in the audience of a Unilever show bit off a portion of his tongue. Then he didn’t say much at all. The incident was an instant Real World classic as told by Neil, there was a man in the front row screaming incessantly at the band so Neil of course did the logical thing and went in for a kiss at which point the man “turned psychotic and bit my tongue off.” It’s a rare instant when someone’s irritating personal attributes actually result in them experiencing pain, but luckily for the Real World audience that was the case this time and we all were able to bare witness.

Finally, the king of the a-holes, coming in at number 1, Puck from San Francisco. Puck was the first made for TV douche. He was a real trail blazer he practically invented the concept of being a villain on reality television. Since its inception reality TV has always had irritating people, but before Puck no one had attempted to be irritating. He set himself apart. Puck didn’t have to try hard to be awful. He was already a bike messenger in San Francisco with a DUI whose main interest appeared to be soapbox racing. That’s right he was a grown man who spent his spare time participating in a past time made famous by the little rascals and this was something he took great pride in. In addition to those wonderful attributes, Puck was filthy, he would rarely shower, openly pick his nose, pick scabs, and he would mention how bad he smelled. Puck was in the house with openly gay and HIV positive Pedro Zamora, they did not get along. Pedro’s need to keep himself healthy due to his struggling immune system was put to the test by living with Puck. A situation that came to a head when it was discovered that Puck had eaten Pedro’s peanut butter by sticking his freshly nose picked finger into the actual peanut butter jar, a scene that was certainly the most entertaining scene ever that revolved around peanut butter. Puck basically made it his business to bother everyone in the house and like Ryan from New Orleans, he was asked to leave based more on an accumulation of being awful than one inciting incident. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when Pedro gave an ultimatum; either he or Puck would have to leave the house. Puck was voted out and sent to where all reality TV villains end up, obscurity.

So, that’s it. That’s my list. There was certainly a couple that I wish I could’ve added. I have to say that honorable mention goes to Chet from Brooklyn, Brooke from Denver, Kimberly from Hollywood, David (ski-dob-u-dee-dob-u-dee) from New Orleans, and Wes from Austin who is only lacking from this list because he was not really terrible when he was on the Real World, but has since morphed into reality TV’s equivalent of the Dark Phoenix. I hope everyone enjoyed the list and let me know what you think.